1. College Can Almost Kill You.
Poor Adam. Being a freshmen is tough enough when your just starting your college experience. Being a freshmen who spent 22 hours in an unfamiliar hospital takes more than tough skin.

As I was getting ready to leave work on Friday, Adam sent me a text message saying that he was going to the health center. I encouraged him to do this if he had any more pain throughout the day. This recommendation stemming from the fact that he had spent the night crouching and shivering in pain in the bathroom. Keep in mind that the health center has gotten quite the reputation of diagnosing anyone who walks in its doors as being pregnant. It’s true. I walked in there once for a meeting with Student Accessibility Services and they handed me a pamphlet on expecting parents. Anyways, not ten minutes after Adam sent his initial text message, he sent another asking me to take him to the hospital. After getting over the initial shock, I quickly grabbed my things, locked my office door and made the quick trip across campus to pick him up. The nurse urged me to go straight to Robinson Memorial Hospital, informing me that had Adam not refused an ambulance, he would already be on his way. Great...add to my already terrified nerves.

I live in an area with a population of little significance, but on that day, I swear everyone and their mother was out and about, creating a traffic nightmare. It is Ravenna, so I’m sure you can guess where most of the problem was situated - Walmart. Damn those cheaply priced grocery items and friendly senior citizens who do nothing but encourage Ravenna citizens to flock there like its the location of the next Woodstock. Sorry for the tangent, but it surely was a test of my patience. That patience continued to dwindle when the Emergency Room had us wait for nearly 30 minutes before even assessing his problem. This after the health center had called ahead and told them to expect us.

Finally after a nurse had begun her initial inspection, only after being interrupted by an 11-year-old who had gashed her face and was ever-so-polite enough to puke right in front of us, we were on our way to a room. A room with a thin strip of sunlight shining in, the constant beep of medical equipment and the always present stench of a sterilized hospital. Not long after, Adam’s parents arrived and numerous doctors and nurses began checking on Adam. I politely excused myself when it came time to insert the IV considering my complete inability to stomach needles and blood. (Yes, I even got sick thinking about it while I was hiding in a nearby bathroom.)

Hours went by. Ambulance crews rushed in with new patients. Nurses whizzed by with new medications to administer. And there Marty, Tracy and I sat with Adam, no TV to boot. But who needs Everybody Loves Raymond when you have your own comedian right next door? It seems we were blessed enough to have an adjacent room to the local drug addict. Beyond her smokers cough and sudden bursts of outrage, our local druggie loved to scream to every nurse who visited her. We learned all about her doomed marriage and her desire to divorce the S.O.B. she was married to. We learned all about current Ravenna fashion trends with her Medusa-influenced hairstyle and much too revealing blouse. And most importantly, we learned never to do drugs. She was later escorted out of the ER with four armed police officers.

Adam managed to swallow three full glasses of contrast as he prepared for his CT scan. Original worries were that his appendix would have to be removed. Three hours later, a hard-to-understand doctor explained that there were some swollen lymph nodes surrounding his appendix that had inflamed the area. They were going to keep him overnight to watch, with possible surgery in the morning. When I returned the next morning, I found him scarfing down food they had provided him with. This was a good sign. Surgical patients are forbidden from eating prior to going under the knife. The doctor had visited before my arrival and after examining the tests and doing some of her own detective work, decided that the pain he was experiencing was most likely from kidney stones. Kidney stones, while extremely painful, are not life threatening and will nine out of 10 times pass on their own without medical treatment. 22 hours after we initially checked in, we were departing with eager smiles.

2. Chia Pets Are Edible.
After relaxing a while at home, I decided to treat Adam to a movie. It seemed the least I could do after spending almost a day in that hell hole. Considering the lack of restaurants in Kent, we decided Rockne’s would suffice and consumed enough greasy food for an entire army. A quick stop at the grocery store and we were off to pick up Cassie.

If I had to describe Cassie in three words, I think I would choose: intelligent; beautiful (in ways beyond just her physical appearance); and unique. I say unique because until you meet her in person, you can never fully understand the capacity that is Ms. Renner. It’s true. She lists “robot dancing” as one of her activities on Facebook. If that doesn’t shout unique, then steal my car and run me over.

Back to the task at hand. As we waited for Cassie to put on her face, Adam and I fiddled with the Super Nintendo that loomed before us like candy. After several attempts at basking in Mario Brother’s glory, we sat defeated. Our next source of entertainment - the thousands of magnets stuck to the refrigerator door. After making a few provocative sentences out of the wide array of words provided, we also fell tired of this game. But then we spotted it. A hippo.

I never had a chia pet, even though I think I had asked for one for Christmas once. Everyone who knows me knows that I like plants. They are in every room I ever attempt to decorate. And this hippo of Cassie’s caught my attention. I ran my fingers through its hairlike back, only to find a patch was missing. Above its left rear leg to be exact. Soon after, I found out that Cassie and her mother had eaten it. Unique, definitely the right word.

What’s also unique about this situation. Cassie is a vegetarian. Does consuming leaves off the back of an animal break the rules? Who knows? All I know is that the Renner family decided to garnish their salad with chia that day. Ranch is so 2007.